When all things are equal, translucence in writing is more effective than transparency, just as glow is more revealing than glare”…James Thurber.
… the question is, should my transparency, or to put it, my fail-safe weakness by any means threaten the status of my relationships in a negative sense? ...or do you punish a person for being truthful and honest about a situation?
It’s an open question which obviously will demand diverse opinions. A recent conversation I got myself into might have given cause to conclude this write-up I have been trying to finish up for quite some time now.
It was George Jean Nathan who said that “what passes for woman’s intuition is often nothing more than a man’s transparency”.
A question to one sweet friend of mine went quite interesting and fascinating as I hit her with the intriguing, what do you really want in a man? Now this can be framed in several ways as in, what’s the description of your ‘Mr. Right’?
Before then I thought I wanted to talk and yes, I must say that I really called for it. Her answer was that of a real interest with a re-bound, fully loaded, aimed and triggered directly through my very being like “at least someone better than you” :o …woooo!, that sure sounds contrary to Adele’s Someone like you right? For a moment I was stunned. You know, me and my guy-ego, pride just won’t let me be. I was like ouch!!
Funny as it sounds; maybe I should have seen that coming you know, at least I would have rephrased the question better.
Her unexpected answer felt like a pin sliding through my veins. All of a sudden my head is immediately flooded with thoughts and questions and I’m tempted to think that I should begin to live the kind of life that will meet a standard. I mean, I must meet “the criteria” for selection.
You know, that silly saying that goes like: you’re just not my type”?
And isn’t that what society and the backgrounds we came from has trained us to be over the years?...I should become something of some sort to win that ‘favor’,… I need to be a little more better to be accepted,… I have to be good to get there and be appreciated because looking at things; I simply don’t meet up ‘the grade’.
You see, I know I’m not at my best yet, I have tried to love and be more caring. I have tried 'to-do-to-become it’. God knows how much I have invested in trying to make it work. I go out of my way to please and to meet these standards and yet a shot like this can be fired up at my prideful instinct (and you can tease me on that again).
Mere words, they may sound cheap but its cause and end can never be predicted. They are the very weapons to the heart’s destruction. They delude and weaken the very nature misleading the heart from the obvious sense of a meaningful and fulfilling life. They suck the juice and drain the reason for our earthly existence especially in our relationships.
The big question now is can we be any better than we already are? Is there anything like a better person, I mean the perfect choice for me?
In one of his sermons, Joseph Prince says that God does not make choices for us. I believe He allows for us to make those choices and that is the beauty of His creation in that even when we make the wrongs choices, He still finds glory in the worst of situations. And tell me, isn’t that a relief? What do I stand to lose then?
I have also learnt this in life, that if you want a friend, then you must first be a friend. If you want them to smile, you must infect them with your smile and if you want them perfect, you must first become the ‘perfect one’.
James in his book asks us to lay down our self pitiful self-saving, pride enhancing promises which crops up only when we are upset with other people and pick up the salvation robe. We are to be honest about how weak we are inside. James 5:16 tells us to even confess to one another…and yes u can go like “ebeei, confession paa?” You mean confessing too? I mean one will be asking is this part of my struggles as a believer? I mean who would want to admit displaying their weakness to some other person let alone in public? Well, this is what the scriptures say and we are to abide by it. But it is downright depressing and we are often caught up in this snare of trying to keep up appearances. We want to prove to others that we are well off. We are strong, I got it all going well, everything is just fine and I’m hopeful I’ll be better than I have been.
Frequently, we jot down resolutions of becoming a better us and you see, the danger is just because your pretence never comes to light doesn’t mean they don’t exist. We only hide our fears, believe the deception and hide behind it. “It is well with my soul”, we say. We push our insecurities under this cold sheet of blanket only to find ourselves seeking refuge in it at night.
Like Mike of Tenth Avenue North puts it, we are sometimes forced to believe this theological truth that we are depraved, but certainly not enough to confess and admit to other people. But the startling thing is that we have to confess to others to really believe the gospel.
For as long we continue to live life and believe that we can pull ourselves by our bootstraps then in a sense, what is the need for Christ? The gospel will be useless and that means that Christ’s death was a simple waste of time. The good news of grace and mercy becomes deluded. And the results are that we begin to look down on others who aren’t as good as we are being a Christian or a believer because they are the worst and we ‘think’ of ourselves as being better off. Well, be careful he who thinks he stands.… We say to ourselves things like “O no.!,did he/she really do that?...o please, I wouldn’t have committed such a sin at least”. Romans 14, tells us to receive one who is weak in the faith but not to dispute doubtful things.
It’s only lip service we often pay to Jesus because the truth still exists that we can’t change our hearts. Think about the way you fly off the handle when you are criticized, how you talked back to that bus conductor (‘trotro’ mate) because he gave you less change, how you simply can’t say I’m sorry, the first words you spit out because somebody is getting on your nerves, how you hanged up the phone on him or her. I mean our hearts are fragile and weak and it’s in the very nature how God created us. And you will also later realize that these are the very things that keep others from knowing Christ and his saving power.
The whole point is this; I believe true healing begins when we become better people for the right reasons. And we accept that our efforts can’t do it but its only grace alone that can shower on us without any pride or wishful earnings. He so freely loved the world and knows our very nature and that is why He came to die so He can take my weakness away and become strong in Me. You can never rob Him of his glory. You can’t hide the weakness and the pretense of a self-saving, pitiful savior you are. Because the truth is, God still gets his glory and you can ask Samson, a perplexing character in the old testaments.
So, we confess all, we surrender all because He cares for us and it’s in this weakness and deepest valley of our pathetic sinful sorrowful hearts that He sees, saves and redeems us from.
The answer, we can’t be better, Christ has become better for us and that only means freedom in Christ as a believer. And if Christ lives in me, then I am better.
